When I tell people at a party that I'm a sex coach, one of two things happens. The room goes quiet for a second. Or someone leans in, lowers their voice and asks: "Okay, but what do you actually do?"
Fair question. Most people imagine something between a porn set and couples therapy. It's neither. So here's what really happens, what women come to me with and where my work stops.
The short answer
A sex coach helps you understand your sexuality, feel more desire and say what you want. We do that through conversation, breathwork and simple body-based practices, plus small exercises you do at home on your own. A sex coach doesn't diagnose, doesn't do therapy and doesn't have sex with you. In my sessions you stay fully clothed. Always.
What women come to me with
Most women who book a call with me aren't "broken". At some point they just learned to think more about everyone else during sex than about themselves. Things I hear a lot:
"During sex I'm in my head instead of my body."
"My desire has basically disappeared and I don't know why."
"I say yes when I mean no."
"Honestly, I don't really know what I like."
"Since the breakup my body feels like a stranger."
"Every relationship, same pattern. Different man."
Some women want better sex. Some want to want sex again. And some mainly want to stop giving themselves away in love.
What happens in a session
Every session is different, but the frame stays the same. With me it usually looks like this:
Landing. We start with a few minutes to get you out of your to-do list and into the room. Breathe. Arrive.
Talking. You tell me what's on your mind. I listen and ask questions. Often there's something under the topic you came with, like an old rule that says "Don't want too much."
Feeling. Then we move from your head into your body. That might be a breathing practice, a short meditation or noticing where in your body a feeling actually sits. None of this is sexual. The point is to experience your body as your ally again.
Taking it home. At the end we look at what you take into your week. Usually that's one small practice you do on your own, in your own time. You decide if and how.
Sessions happen online. You're at home, I'm at mine, and you set the pace. Every time.
Why the body matters so much
A lot of women have already thought their sexuality through very thoroughly. Books, podcasts, maybe years of therapy. The head gets it. The body just never got the memo.
Sex researcher Emily Nagoski describes desire with a simple image: we all have an accelerator and a brake. The accelerator responds to everything that turns you on. The brake responds to everything that stresses you, worries you or makes you feel ashamed. For many women the accelerator works perfectly fine. The brake is just pressed down all the time.
That's where sex coaching comes in. We find out what's pressing on your brake and release it, bit by bit. With breath, with curiosity and with a lot of patience.
What a sex coach doesn't do
This part matters to me, because there are a lot of wild ideas out there.
No nudity, no sex. There is no nudity and no sexual contact in my sessions. Ever.
No diagnoses. I'm not a doctor or a psychotherapist. Coaching doesn't treat physical or mental health conditions.
No replacement for therapy. Depression, an anxiety disorder or unprocessed trauma belong with a therapist first. Coaching can sit nicely next to therapy. It doesn't replace it.
No promises. Nobody can guarantee you multiple orgasms after three sessions. I can't either.
If you have pain during sex, bleeding or new physical symptoms, please see your gynaecologist first. After that, coaching can help you feel more relaxed in your body again.
Sex coach or sex therapist?
The short version: a sex therapist has clinical or medical training and can diagnose and treat sexual dysfunction. A sex coach works with people who are doing okay in daily life and want to grow in their sexuality and relationships. Coaching looks forward: what do you want, and what's in the way?
Not sure which one you need? Ask me on a free connection call. If I'm not the right person for you, I'll tell you.
How to spot a good sex coach
"Sex coach" isn't a protected title. Anyone can call themselves one. Here's what I'd look for:
Real training she's open about.
Clear boundaries. She tells you what she does and what she doesn't, and refers you on when something is outside her scope.
Consent. She explains every practice before you do it, and you can say no at any point.
Honest language. No healing promises, no guarantees.
A good gut feeling on the first call. That counts more than any certificate.
How I work
I'm a certified VITA™ Sex, Love & Relationship Coach, trained by Layla Martin, and a breathwork facilitator. I combine coaching with breathwork and embodiment, which simply means practices that bring you back into your body. My sessions are online, in English or German, usually with electronic music in the background. I laugh a lot and still take you very seriously.
I only work with women. Many start with a single session to get a feel for it. If you want to go deeper, I work with you for 12 weeks in AFLOAT or six months in DEEPDIVE.
FAQ
Do I need a "problem" to see a sex coach?
No. Some women come because something feels off. Others come because they simply want more: more desire, more confidence, more fun in bed.
Isn't this going to be super awkward?
Maybe for the first five minutes. After that most women notice how good it feels to finally talk about sex openly without being judged.
Do I need a partner?
No. A lot of this work happens with yourself. Single, partnered or somewhere in between: you're in the right place.
What happens to what I tell you?
It stays between us.
How many sessions will I need?
That depends on what you bring. One session can already clear up a lot. For change that actually shows up in your everyday life, I recommend at least 12 weeks.
Let's talk
Curious? Book a free 30-minute connection call. We'll talk about what you want (yes, including the juicy parts) and whether we're a fit. Worst case, you had a really good conversation about your own desires.
Book your free connection call
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