The Body Keeps the Score: How Trauma Lives in the Body
Many women come to this work feeling confused.
They understand their patterns.
They've done therapy.
They know where their struggles come from.
And yet they still feel anxious.
Triggered.
Overwhelmed.
Disconnected from themselves.
Or stuck in the same relationship patterns.
This is where the idea behind The Body Keeps the Score by psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk becomes so powerful.
The book explores a simple but profound truth:
Sometimes our bodies remember what our minds have already tried to forget.
What is trauma?
When people hear the word trauma, they often think of extreme events.
War.
Abuse.
Violence.
Accidents.
While these experiences can absolutely be traumatic, trauma is not defined solely by what happened.
Trauma is also about how the body and nervous system responded to what happened.
In simple terms:
Trauma occurs when an experience feels too overwhelming, too frightening, too much, or too fast for the nervous system to fully process at the time.
The event may be over.
But the body can continue responding as if the danger is still present.
How trauma can show up in everyday life
Many women don't realise that their nervous system is still carrying old experiences.
It can look like:
relationship anxiety
difficulty trusting others
emotional overwhelm
people-pleasing
chronic stress
overthinking
difficulty relaxing
fear of abandonment
feeling disconnected from your body
feeling emotionally numb
These responses are not signs that something is wrong with you.
Often, they are signs that your nervous system has been trying to protect you.
Why talking isn't always enough
Understanding your experiences can be incredibly healing.
Therapy can help us create awareness, insight, and meaning.
But awareness alone doesn't always change how the body responds.
You may know you are safe.
Yet your heart still races.
You may know someone loves you.
Yet you still feel anxious.
You may know a situation isn't dangerous.
Yet your body reacts as if it is.
This is because the nervous system learns through experience, not just information.
The body remembers
The body stores experiences through sensations, emotions, tension patterns, and nervous system responses.
This doesn't mean trauma is literally trapped inside a muscle.
It means that the body can continue carrying the effects of experiences long after they are over.
You might notice:
A tight chest when you feel rejected.
A knot in your stomach before a difficult conversation.
Tension in your shoulders that never seems to disappear.
An urge to shut down when emotions become intense.
The body is constantly communicating with us.
The question is whether we know how to listen.
How breathwork can help
Breathwork creates an opportunity to reconnect with the body in a safe and conscious way.
By bringing awareness to the breath, many people begin noticing emotions, sensations, memories, and feelings that may have been sitting beneath the surface.
Some people experience:
emotional release
greater clarity
nervous system regulation
deeper self-awareness
a stronger connection to their body
a sense of relief or spaciousness
Every experience is different.
There is no "correct" outcome.
The goal is not to force anything to happen.
The goal is to create enough safety for the body to begin doing what it naturally knows how to do.
Feel.
Process.
Integrate.
Move forward.
Healing is not about fixing yourself
One of the greatest misconceptions about healing is that something is wrong with us.
That we need to be fixed.
In reality, many of the responses we struggle with today were once intelligent adaptations.
They helped us survive.
The work is not about becoming someone else.
It is about helping the nervous system understand that the danger has passed.
It is about reconnecting to the parts of yourself that were never broken.
Frequently asked questions
What does "the body keeps the score" mean?
The phrase refers to the idea that difficult or overwhelming experiences can continue affecting the body and nervous system long after the event has ended.
What is trauma?
Trauma is not only about what happened. It is also about how the nervous system experienced and processed what happened.
Can trauma affect relationships?
Yes. Unresolved trauma can influence trust, intimacy, attachment patterns, emotional regulation, and relationship dynamics.
Can breathwork heal trauma?
Breathwork is not a cure for trauma. However, many people find it helpful for emotional processing, nervous system regulation, self-awareness, and reconnecting with their bodies.
Why do I understand my patterns but still feel stuck?
Because the mind and nervous system learn differently. Awareness is important, but lasting change often involves the body, emotions, and lived experience as well.
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